I'm never going to have a girlfriend.
I'll probably lose my virginity to cheap hooker in Newark.
I'll probably start abusing something soon. Drugs, alcohol, ketchup, something.
I'm obsessive and insanely jealous for no reason, with no justification. There really isn't any rational reason for why I should behave this way.
I'm still 13 years old emotionally and in terms of maturity.
I dislike cooking because of the cleanup.
I'll probably spend most of my leisure time watching porn and jerking off.
I'll never have a very sophisticated wardrobe and will probably end up wearing the same suit for 3 years, every day.
I'll probably find some way to humiliate myself when trying to impress others. I.E., crashing a car because I'm trying to show a friend how fast said car goes.
I won't have any friends in 5 years because I find new ways to piss people off on a rather regular basis.
January 22, 2007
January 4, 2007
Spinning the records
I make no apologies for my taste in music. Quite frankly, it would be pointless to do so. My primary tastes are alternative, but I am by no means restricted to simply this form of music. I thoroughly enjoy hip hop, gangsta rap, folk rock, heavy metal, power pop, electronica, trip hop, old style rock and roll, R&B, jazz, punk, and the list goes on. I find no problem in transitioning from the porn grooves of Al Green into the melodramatic warblings of Death for Cutie, seamlessly leading to the devastating riffs of Iron Maiden. It's simply natural to me.
And of course, probably pretty fucked up for everyone else. But what can I say? It's not something I can control. I simply appreciate many, many different forms of the same art.
And of course, probably pretty fucked up for everyone else. But what can I say? It's not something I can control. I simply appreciate many, many different forms of the same art.
No exit
Systematically, one by one, each person I called "friend" in my life has stopped talking to me over the last few weeks. The trend began about a four months ago, and at this point I have a cell phone that never rings, a computer with AIM that never gets an instant message, a blog with no feedback, and generally a vapid and lonely existence. If it weren't for my own personal eccentricities, I quite honestly believe I would have absolutely fucking lost it by now. Thankfully, my peculiar and quirky nature have allowed me to remain (mostly) self reliant upon my own entertainment capacities.
It's really quite interesting what you can do when the only thing you have to entertain yourself is your own mind. In my head, for instance, I've been lost in thought for hours upon hours. The thoughts range from sports, social interaction, psychological quirks, music, political debate, and attempts to write movie scripts. All of this spans the whole range of whatever crazy, nonsensical cognitions which populate my head.
Quite honestly, I don't really know I'm still sane at this point. I'm still waiting to snap and start ripping open people's chests and eating their hearts. Of course, by admitting this, I'm sure now I really do seem crazy, and now even more people will avoid me. It's a damn endless cycle, I tell you. The snake eating it's own tail. It's funny, I bitch about wanting to be surrounded by other people, yet when I finally gain what I demand and prostrate for, I immediately wish I was alone and confined to solidarity. Yet, faced with my requested solitude, I yearn and dream of the day when I will one be comforted by my multitude of loving and adoring peers.
I suppose Hell really is people.
It's really quite interesting what you can do when the only thing you have to entertain yourself is your own mind. In my head, for instance, I've been lost in thought for hours upon hours. The thoughts range from sports, social interaction, psychological quirks, music, political debate, and attempts to write movie scripts. All of this spans the whole range of whatever crazy, nonsensical cognitions which populate my head.
Quite honestly, I don't really know I'm still sane at this point. I'm still waiting to snap and start ripping open people's chests and eating their hearts. Of course, by admitting this, I'm sure now I really do seem crazy, and now even more people will avoid me. It's a damn endless cycle, I tell you. The snake eating it's own tail. It's funny, I bitch about wanting to be surrounded by other people, yet when I finally gain what I demand and prostrate for, I immediately wish I was alone and confined to solidarity. Yet, faced with my requested solitude, I yearn and dream of the day when I will one be comforted by my multitude of loving and adoring peers.
I suppose Hell really is people.
January 2, 2007
A story spun over and over again
Am I really that much of an asshole? Is my personality so grating, are my habits so irksome, am I just such an irritating person that, infallibly, everyone whose path I cross becomes sick of me? I really don't know. I don't try to act annoying. I genuinely just try to do my best to make people laugh, to keep the good mood flowing and not try to cause any trouble. I guess that's a lie, since it appears that all I really ever do IS cause trouble. All I ever seem to do is piss people off with something I say or do.
And then here we go, I become self conscious about my actions, what I say, I spiral into a depression and melancholy. It's all such a terrificly vicious cycle, and in all of my 21 years, I've yet to solve this puzzle. Fantastic.
And then here we go, I become self conscious about my actions, what I say, I spiral into a depression and melancholy. It's all such a terrificly vicious cycle, and in all of my 21 years, I've yet to solve this puzzle. Fantastic.
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