Is it growth or regression?

I never used to have a problem being alone. I've pretty much always been alone. I can't really think of a moment in my adult life where I haven't invariably ended up just not being with anybody. I'm used to it. Sure, I've always wanted to be with somebody, I have a relationship, to be wanted, all of that. And I've tried reaching out to people and getting close, but it never really worked out, and I pretty quickly went back to being the normal me. Everything was fine.

But this is different. Now, I'm alone. And it terrifies me to no end. All I'm doing now is sitting here worrying if I'll always be alone. Being alone scares me and worries me. I don't know how to handle it. I really would just like to be with someone. Anyone. I want that feeling back. I don't want to feel alone anymore. I want to have that warmth and security which once filled up my life.