Reshift

I miss talking to someone. I miss having that safety valve for, if I was just sitting around with nothing to do, I had that one person I could talk to for hours on end. I miss having the security blanket. I don't like being alone. I never have. I've always wanted people around me, people to confide in, people to share with. As antisocial as I can appear to be, I really value relationships and other human being more than anything in the world. What matters the most to me in this world is being able to have those who I am secure with, whom I can express my feelings and anxieties and hopes and dreams with. I have always believed that having a foil, a mirror to reflect upon myself is the most useful way to understand if I have grown or changed or anything. Hell is other people, and hell is loneliness. Human beings are social creatures by nature, creatures who crave and seek contact. But human beings are also consumed by inhibitions, fears, and notions of self-conscious. The perfect human being isn't really a human being at all, it's something quite opposite. It's a person who is born fortunate enough to not feel the same fears and woes that the rest of us do. My problem is that I was born with more doubt than the normal person. And that's why I'm sitting here alone, in my room, consumed with loneliness and fear, not sure of what to do or who to talk to. I have dozens of communication tools right here at my finger tips, and each one of them is useless because I don't know where to start, who to reach out, or how to get rid of this unerring feelings of emptiness.