March 29, 2008

Graveyards

Do you know what my problem is? I think too much. My mind is too active. I'm constantly daydreaming, fantasizing, making events occur behind my eyelids. Even as I'm watching events in real time, they occur on divergent paths to those which occur in my own mind, running opposite to events as I hope they should occur. Scenes play out in my mind like a constantly running and self editing film, moving to the will and flow of my hopes and dreams and desires. Catching a glimpse of her eyes, my mind leads me across time and space, to some sort of divergent universe where my fantasies play out as reality, where I am the central actor in a play where my life follows the events of my dreams. In my dreams, I get the girl. In my dreams, I am the winner, I make the winning shot, I get the glory, I achieve the apex of my existence.

The cruel joke of reality is that it never follows your dreams. Hope, desire, fantasy, they have no place in reality. Dreams die the second they escape into reality. What we expect, what we plan for, it never actually comes to pass. What's left are circumstances which suck away at our souls, leave us hollowed and empty and barren husks of humanity.

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