Backlash

I think I've sunk into my deepest melancholy since last summer. It's not quite a depression yet, but it's certainly lingering on the outside walks of that. Nothing has lifted my spirits or really cheered my up lately. Being with my friends leaves me feeling lonelier than I did the night before. When I speak to people, I can see their eyes drifting, their focus and attention falling upon other things until the sound of my voice ends. I'm more aware than ever before about how boring and mindless I sound. I realize I'm terrible and making conversation, and even worse at functioning as a human being. I spent today hiding inside my house, gnawing on my sanity and contemplating if the world would really be so awful if I was to disappear. Morbid thoughts have started coming back into my mind. It's gotten more difficult lately to wake up in the morning. The air is warmer, but it's saturated with water moisture and feels like it's more difficult to breathe. My breath runs quick and more shallow. The sun shines brighter and longer. Spring has come, but as the flowers bloom, my hopes die.